


Halam

by Vallas



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dragon Age Inquisition, F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 05:19:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2801009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vallas/pseuds/Vallas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She has made me forget, and for that I must destroy her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Halam

She follows quietly, steps whisper soft as she threads her fingers through mine. Content to be led where I would take her. No fight. No apprehension. Just pure, unadulterated trust.

I do not deserve it, and I hate myself for accepting it nonetheless.

I still hear her words echoing in my ears, shaming me with their clarity. With their hope. The pure belief that she will leave this world better than it was when she entered it. There is a light in her, something rare and wondrous, and I have never seen its equal. She is marvelous, and every time my eyes fall to her I feel a piece of my heart break away, replaced with a piece of her, until all that remains is her name thrumming through my veins like a prayer.

I know what I must do. What must be done. I have always known. But I am a liar, and a coward, and she has shamed me. Torn away my pride and viewed what lies beneath it. Without even being aware, she has shown me that I could be wrong. She has given me faith. Hope for the future. Poured her breath into a dying vessel with soft sighs and stolen kisses and stirred it back to life.

She has made me forget, and for that I must destroy her.

But as I lead her through the quiet of night, I lose myself once more in her presence. Allow myself this last sweet torture, as selfish as it is. Another lie. Another betrayal. One in a line of so many that I know will haunt her. I lead her to a place so close to the Fade that we can stand together, she in her world, me in mine. Into a place where our worlds can touch, brushing against each other like lovers. The space between that we both can walk, even as out tethers pull us to opposite sides of the veil. I can feel it between us on my fingertips as I trace the curve of her cheek, watching her eyes fall closed and her lips turn up in the corners as she leans her face into my palm. I feel the vibrations of her soft hum in my wrist. Even in the silver of the moon she glows warm, shining in the darkness.

I will betray her, here in this place. I have made a mistake. Such a great and wondrous mistake, and I will bear the scars of it for the rest of my days until the world comes crashing down around me.

She looks at me, truly, with so much love that I feel my knees buckle under the weight of it. Every fibre of my being returns it with the sweetest pain imaginable. It is blinding, all consuming. Every breath I take carries her name. My heart calls to her with every beat. My veins are full of her. When I close my eyes, it is not the call of the Fade, but her face that awaits me.

She makes me want to remain awake.

I trace the _vallaslin_ on her face. The marks I had once looked upon with such anger. I have grown to love them so very dearly. Memorized them with my fingertips. Tasted them on my lips. Never did I think they could be borne with such dignity. Never did I think that they could represent anything other than cruelty. But in her face I see everything the People once were, and what they could be again. And they are more beautiful than I could have imagined.

I give her my liar's gift, speaking words that pierce her heart and bring pain to her eyes, and still she surprises me. Places her trust in me this one last time. If she only remembers one good thing of me, I pray it is this. The warmth of my magic as it enters her. Runs beneath her skin. Steals her breath and bonds away. And it is as if she is the sun emerged after a storm.

She is free. She always was.

I cannot bring myself to unlace my fingers from her unbound hair as I hold her face between my hands and see her laid bare before me. She is beautiful. So very beautiful. The words overflow from me of their own volition, filling the space between us. Pulling her lips to mine. And in that moment I forget once more. I lose myself in her. In a lifetime of possibilities.

I want nothing more than to throw everything away. To give up everything I have, everything I am, for a fleeting moment with her. To lie her in the softness of the grass and take her as my own. To feel her. To know her. To hear her whisper my name in my ear as the world shatters into stars around her and to stay like that for the rest of my days, lost in the sweetness of her. And I realize then, in that instant, that I have unmade myself. Broken myself open beyond repair and filled the void left behind with her. In ways beyond imagining. In ways I never should have. I realize that I was destroyed the moment I took her hand in mine and held it to the heavens. 

To cut out my heart by my own hands would hurt less than this. The pain of leaving her is unimaginable. And then she speaks the words.

“I love you.”

They echo in my ears as they ripple against me. Tearing me into a thousand pieces. Killing me over and over, a little death with every tear that runs down her cheek to fall at her bare feet. I want her. I want her so badly that I cannot see, cannot think, cannot breathe. I need her, and that is why I cannot have her. And that is my punishment to bear for my mistakes.

For she has truly become my heart, and I will endure the rest of my days without her.

  
  



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